How to Trust Your Choices and Stop Second Guessing

» Physical and mental well-being

How to Trust Your Choices and Stop Second Guessing

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Introduction

Overthinking and second guessing yourself can hold you back from reaching your full potential and living the life you truly desire. ^1 2 3 Do you find yourself frequently questioning your decisions, feeling crippled by self-doubt, or hesitating to take up opportunities due to a nagging inner voice wondering if you’re enough? ³ This constant state of perfectionism and emotional turmoil can be exhausting and detrimental to your personal growth. ²

This article will explore practical strategies to help you overcome the tendency to overthink and second guess yourself. ^1 4 You’ll learn how to recognize when you’re overthinking, accept that there is no perfect decision, control your emotions, and ultimately trust your gut instinct. ¹ By mastering these techniques, you can break free from the cycle of second guessing and start making empowered choices that align with your values and goals. ²

1. Recognize When You’re Overthinking

One of the first steps to overcome overthinking is to recognize when it’s happening. Signs that you might be overthinking include:

1. An inability to think about anything else ^5 5
2. Being unable to relax ^5 5
3. Constantly feeling worried or anxious ^5 5
4. Fixating on things outside of your control ^5 5
5. Feeling mentally exhausted ^5 5
6. Having a lot of negative thoughts ^5 5
7. Replaying a situation or experience in your mind repeatedly ^5 5 6
8. Second-guessing your decisions ^5 5 6
9. Thinking of all the worst-case scenarios ^5 5

It’s crucial to differentiate overthinking from problem-solving and self-reflection. Overthinking often involves dwelling on possibilities and pitfalls without any real intent of finding a solution or improving oneself. ⁶ Self-reflection, on the other hand, is an internally inquisitive process rooted in personal growth or gaining a new perspective. ⁶

Overthinking can also lead to decision paralysis, where you get overwhelmed by making a choice, constantly second-guess your options, and end up procrastinating or making no decision at all. ^7 7 This can be exacerbated by the abundance of choices available in today’s world, as well as the fear of disappointment, regret, or the emotional aspect of decision-making. ⁷

2. Accept There Is No Perfect Decision

Making decisions is a fundamental aspect of life, whether it’s choosing a career path, deciding where to live, or simply picking what to have for dinner. Yet, many of us find ourselves paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice. ^1 2 The reality is that not making a decision is often far worse than making an imperfect one. When we hesitate or avoid making choices altogether, we relinquish control of our lives to external forces. We become passive bystanders, allowing circumstances to dictate our path rather than actively shaping it ourselves. ⁴

Embrace Imperfection

What if, instead, embracing imperfection and making decisions—even imperfect ones—could lead to greater success? ¹ When we embrace the imperfection inherent in decision-making, something remarkable happens.

We free ourselves from the shackles of indecision and empower ourselves to take action. ³ We must recognize that making a choice, even if it’s not flawless, is far better than remaining stagnant. Each decision becomes a learning opportunity, guiding us forward on our journey and allowing us to grow along the way. ³

Embracing imperfection fosters resilience and adaptability. When we accept that not every decision will lead to the desired outcome, we become more resilient in the face of setbacks. ⁷ It is so important to understand that we must be self-aware and content enough in our own decisions to learn, adjust, and keep moving forward.

We must have good justifications and understanding of why we made the decision in the first place. Then, we can acknowledge that changing our mind or making a fast turn on that decision is okay because once the decision is made, variables change, and we just created a new path. ⁵

Progress Over Perfection

Perfection is an illusion. ^2 8 Are there good choices and bad choices? Yes, of course. But more often, we find ourselves stuck between a good choice and another good choice, trying to figure out which one is perfect. ⁸ As long as we desire to please ourselves with our decisions, no decision we make will be completely awful, nor will any decision we make be completely awesome. Every decision is a package deal of parts awful and awesome. ⁸

In other words, since there is no perfect choice, we don’t have to be paralyzed by the fear that we’re not making the exact right decision. ⁸ There is no perfect job, no perfect school, no perfect spouse, no perfect church, no perfect way to raise kids—there is no perfect decision. ⁸ Each of these choices will have just enough imperfections to make them some combination of good and not so good. ⁸ Remember, progress over perfection is key! ⁹

3. Control Your Emotions

Controlling your emotions is crucial for making better decisions. Here are some effective strategies:

Pause and Assess the Situation

This simple act can save you from future headaches. Give your brain enough time to evaluate the situation so you can make the right choice. Use this tactic when:

• You’re asked a complicated question ¹⁰
• You’re feeling agitated and might snap at someone ¹⁰
• Your response could mean the difference between loss or gain ¹⁰
• You feel you might say something you’ll later regret ¹⁰

Don’t Always Rely on Your Gut

Intuition, or “gut feeling,” is a basic instinct that helps us identify environmental cues to avoid danger. However, avoid trusting it when it comes to situations involving chance or 50/50 probability, such as gambling or the stock market. ¹⁰

Put It in Writing

Experts like psychologist James W. Pennebaker suggest that writing can help us understand our lives better, track our growth, and aid in making the right choices. If you’re at a crossroads or have experienced a traumatic situation, writing down your feelings can provide a different perspective. ¹⁰

Narrow Your Options

Having too many options can increase the chances of making a regrettable decision. Counterintuitively, narrowing your options can help you avoid picking something you’ll later be unhappy about. ¹⁰

Ask the Majority

Humans are prone to biases, and while some biases help form opinions, it’s unwise to follow them when making decisions. For example, overconfidence in acquired skills can lead even powerful leaders and managers to make wrong decisions. ¹⁰

Avoid Burnout

If you have a major decision to make, cognitive neuroscientist Dr. Lynda Shaw suggests sleeping on it. Getting enough rest helps our brains analyze information faster and more accurately. ¹⁰

Visualization, delaying decisions, and deflating strong emotions are also effective techniques for gaining perspective and making more reasoned choices. ¹¹ Emotions play a vital role in creating bonds, but when strong feelings arise, notice them and decide their role in the decision-making process. ¹¹

4. Trust Your Gut Instinct

Intuition has its place in decision making, but detached from rigorous analysis, it’s fickle—leading to disaster as often as success. ¹² The more options you’re evaluating, and the more complex and unfamiliar your challenges, the less you should emphasize instinct over reason. ¹² 

Intuition—interpreting and reaching conclusions about phenomena without conscious thought—carries dangerous biases. We give disproportionate weight to information confirming, not challenging, our assumptions; conclusions justifying, not upending, the status quo; and information we receive first—which distorts our interpretation of subsequent data. ¹²

Most troubling, we seek patterns in new situations even when they don’t exist. ¹² Interpreting a new threat by squeezing it into an old pattern, we miss what makes it different—and risk taking the wrong action. ¹² Pattern seeking also cuts off thinking when we should stay open to choices as long as possible before making final decisions. ¹² The instinctive rush to apply a pattern to a phenomenon can also cut off or narrow an individual’s or a group’s thinking too quickly. ¹²

Intuition’s Role

Sometimes known as the ‘second brain’, your gut is full of nerves and acts as a mysterious sort of information processing unit. ¹³ The Enteric Nervous System (ENS) is a complex system of about 100 million nerves contained in the surfaces of the gut lining. ¹³ That’s a significant amount of processing power.

This goes alongside the metaphorical meaning of ‘the gut’ – the part of our body where feelings and intuition seem to be centered, even when we can’t quite perceive what exactly is going on down there. ¹³ 

Despite not providing specifics at all times, messages from our gut are certainly worthy of attention. ¹³ For this reason, more than 40% of CEOs say they make decisions based on their gut feeling (or intuition) despite having access to troves of data, analytical tools and experts at hand. ¹³

Intuitive decision making or ‘gut instinct’ is your ability to instantly get an understanding for something, without needing to consider other people’s opinions about it or take time to think it over. ¹³ 

It is your inner feeling about something. ¹³ Gut feelings arise within your body, and it’s hard to explain to others the exact source or meaning of them. ¹³ Intuitions are personal, and no one else can really understand the full extent of your gut feeling. ¹³ You have to deal with it alone. Trusting your gut or intuition is really an act of trusting yourself. ¹³

Intuitions or gut feelings occur when your brain makes a substantial match or mismatch between past experiences and current experiences. ¹³ If you have enough experience in a particular field, the mind’s intuitions or information are more reliable. ¹³ Intuitions, therefore, improve with experience. ¹³

When to Trust Your Gut

In business, you can use your intuitions/gut feelings when making any kind of decision: from making a partner investment to buying a business to engage in a joint project. ¹³ Of course, these can be supported by data, and often you should endeavor to soak up as much useful information as possible. ¹³

But when relying only on a rational mind and logical data in decision making, you can be unintentionally blinkering yourself. ¹³ Sometimes, you are so data-driven that you can’t see the forest for the trees, and fail to exercise wisdom and insight where it’s really needed. ¹³

If you’re confused over which option to choose and cannot make a decision, the only way you can move forward is often to just trust your gut. ¹³ If you have a gut feeling that a person is deceptive or lying, there is a good chance that you are right. ¹³ In these situations, all you can really do is trust your gut. ¹³ If you’re not struck by remorse or confusion about your decision, you’ve made the right call. ¹³ In other cases, you might have to deal with a turbulent conscience. ¹³ Either way, sometimes you might not be able to rationalize your thinking at all. ¹³ Just make sure you’re ready to explain yourself when questioned. ¹³

You might interview a candidate who doesn’t quite fit the bill for what you were looking for, but just feels like a great fit for the team. ¹³ Or you could be sizing up a purchase – new software or office space, for example – that might have a few flaws on paper but just feels right. ¹³ 

More intangible things like brand design or marketing copy can be a mix of science and art; you’ll often need to start work guided by data and then use creative imagination to come up with ideas that really sparkle. ¹³ In cases like these, the gut can be the best guide to what works and what doesn’t. ¹³

Conclusion

Making empowered choices and trusting ourselves is crucial for personal growth and living a fulfilling life. While there may never be a perfect decision, embracing imperfection and trusting our gut instincts can liberate us from the paralysis of overthinking. It’s important to recognize when we’re overthinking, pause and control our emotions, and then allow our intuition to guide us towards the path that aligns with our values and goals.

Ultimately, progress lies in taking action, even if our choices are imperfect. Every decision is an opportunity for learning and growth, shaping our journey step by step. By letting go of the pursuit of perfection and embracing the wisdom of our intuition, we can confidently navigate life’s complexities and create the experiences we truly desire.

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