Mother-Related Trauma through Therapy
Introduction
Today marks a significant step in my journey as I prepare for my therapy session, where I will address a difficult topic that is been quite challenging for me: the relationship with my mom.
Join me on this journey through my ongoing series of blog posts exploring the process of personal growth. For those who are new, I invite you to start from the beginning to fully understand the experiences that have shaped this story.
Preparing for therapy day
As I take a moment to look out the window of my home, I’m greeted by the gentle touch of the morning and the comforting sight of steam rising from my coffee. This peace is helping me get ready to tackle my mother-related trauma subject in the therapy session of today.
In previous conversations with my therapist, discussions about my mom would leave me wrestling with guilt, as if I were betraying her by acknowledging any negative aspects of our relationship. Rationally, I understand that such feelings are unnecessary, yet they persist.
Among these reflections, nostalgia weaves its way into my thoughts, perhaps a proof of my personal growth and the bittersweet for what I’m leaving behind. Despite I recognize the need for transformation I feel discomfort. But this is an integral step forward on my journey.
Processing my feelings in therapy
Within the calm and supportive environment of the psychologist’s office, I find the strength to confront my emotions. My determination is unwavering—I know that addressing the feelings about my mother is critical for my own healing and progress.
My mom did the best she could, raising us alone in a tough neighborhood. As a child, I often dealt with situations that were beyond my years. My mother didn’t always have someone to talk to, so that responsibility often fell on me as the older child.
Understanding her emotional responses was challenging for me. I couldn’t understand my mother’s reactions to similar events. She would sometimes be nurturing, while other times severe.
This unpredictability kept me in a state of constant vigilance, always anticipating her next reaction. The combined weight of anxiety and a sense of obligation shaped my experience.
Despite moments of fear, I recognized the importance of standing by her side. Now, I aim to articulate the complexity of these emotions through a poem dedicated to her. In this poem, I want to display the nuances of our relationship into words, capturing our connection in a sincere and heartfelt way.
the poem
Verse 1:
In this realm of emotions, I find myself entangled,
With conflicting feelings that cannot be disentangled.
How can I dislike you, dear mother, yet still adore?
A maze of contradictions that I cannot ignore.
Verse 2:
I recognize your struggles, wounds, and growth,
Your path was filled with thorns, battles fought both high and low.
In hindsight, I see the burden you carried alone,
Doing the best you could with the seeds of uncertainty sown.
Chorus:
Through your actions, dear mother, came a cascade,
A flow of consequences, both light and shade.
Positive echoes resonate, warmth in every stride,
But shadows lurk too, casting darkness we cannot hide.
Verse 3:
Before the mirror, my reflection intertwined,
A glimpse of you in me, a difficult truth to find.
Your strength, resilience, and love remain,
Deep-rooted in my soul, where it sustains.
Verse 4:
With newfound wisdom, I tread this path with care,
Choosing to understand and show compassion, I dare.
Acknowledging the wounds, both visible and unseen,
Allows my heart to heal and forgiveness to convene.
As I speak the final verse of the poem, every section helps me untangle the feelings inside me. The contradictions of love and resentment, the acknowledgement of my mother’s struggles and their impact on me, the revelation of her legacy that lives on in me, and the journey towards compassion and forgiveness. Simultaneously, I am anxiously awaiting the therapist’s response, my smile tinged with nervousness.
Acknowledging the human- my mother
The empathetic nod I receive from the phycologist is reassuring. My mother’s story is complicated- she had a profound influence on me, but I am starting to see her through a lens that recognizes both her strengths and weaknesses.
She lacked a nurturing figure in her own life and, in her own way, she longed to provide for me what she never received. In doing so, she overlooked my true self, expecting things I could not always understand or fulfill.
Our relationship was shaped by her strictness, unresolved emotions, and at times, her harsh discipline, which made me feel distant and misunderstood. I now understand that I do not have to be anything other than myself. While anger is a natural response, it does not have to define my reaction.
Acknowledging the pain she caused does not diminish the love and care she also gave. She is human – imperfect and complex. And so, with a heart seeking peace, I forgive her.
I forgive her absences, the hurtful words spoken in her own pain, and the moments she failed to see me. I stand strong, embracing the contradictions in her love, recognizing her struggles, and ready to move forward with an open heart and a spirit of forgiveness.
Conclusion
Today marks a significant juncture in my life– an opportunity for closure and the relief that comes from voicing my thoughts aloud. And, the conclusion of a chapter with a psychologist who speaks my mother tongue.
This experience has been transformative, allowing me to delve deeply into emotions previously elusive to me. At first, the thought of sharing my feelings about my mom was intimidating. But this very act of opening up has been crucial in my healing. Accepting and walking through this discomfort with the support of the phycologist has proving me to be a powerful driver of personal growth.
Speaking with a therapist in one’s mother tongue is a common comfort that many might not fully appreciate. But for those of us who live abroad, It is a privilege finding therapy in our native language. So, to those who resonate with my story, I encourage you to seek out the resources available to you, especially a psychologist fluent in your native language.
It can influence your healing path. While this may be the closing of a therapeutic chapter, it is by no means the end of my journey towards healing. I invite you to join me as I navigate the complexities of life anew, facing the world once more, this time without a therapist by my side. Let us continue to explore, grow, and heal together.
