Family Loss and Therapy
Introduction
In this blog post, I’m laying it all out – my whirlwind of new feelings and emotions following my decision to work with a psychologist who speaks my mother tongue. This is giving me a different type of experience. Please be aware! This is the sixth post in my journey, and I invite you to read my first posts to get a complete timeline and perspective of my process.
Finding a Psychologist who Speaks my Mother Tongue
Finding a psychologist is like finding a partner – it’s about that click, that comfort. This realization motivated me to make the effort and invest the time to find the right therapist. I am now comfortable to re-start the therapy process. Please walk with me towards my first therapy session.
First Appointment
I am eager to visit the psychologist, and this time I know what to expect as I have had previous therapy experiences. While I am feeling a bit nervous, I am also excited and have come prepared with a list of points I want to work on during this therapy.
The psychologist’s friendly greeting already puts me at ease, and I am truly ready to share my list with her. But first things first, I must introduce myself to her. “I am Yanzo, and I have engaged in a few therapy sessions in the past, read some books, and tried multiple mobile apps.
My goal with this therapy is to reduce this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. She’s also introducing herself, and I’m glad to hear about her experience. I am ready to start this process.
Today, I’m going to talk about a family loss I went through when I was young. It’s been weighing on me for a long time, and I’m struggling to understand all the emotions tied to it. It’s a difficult topic for me, but I feel like it’s something I need to address.
The Impact of Loss: Losing Two Uncles Violently in Childhood
As a child, I experienced the death of two uncles in a violent manner. I was very young when my first uncle was killed, and while I did not understand the meaning of it, I still remember the silence and coldness of the atmosphere.
When I was around 11, another uncle was killed. The memory of that time is still vivid for me – the sudden change in my mom, from seeing her happy and chatting with a neighbor to witnessing her collapse on the ground, overwhelmed with tears after receiving a phone call.
I just couldn’t understand what was happening and felt completely lost on how to comfort my mom. As the oldest child, I’ve always felt a responsibility for my mom’s well-being, especially since she’s been the only parent for us.
Our distant relationship with other family members only intensified my sense of duty to support her, but instead of acting, I found myself frozen by the immense distress of the situation.
I was grateful to have a neighbor nearby to help my mom. Later, she told me what had happened, but I couldn’t express any emotions. I was in shock, and I didn’t even shed a tear.
I was present in the moment, but it felt like I was someone else. I am now facing these emotions and memories, and while I can feel them, I still feel detached. The therapist can sense this, and I am struggling to explain what happened to my uncle.
The Emotions – What Happened to my Uncle?
I remember what I was told about my uncle’s death. He was walking to work when someone attacked him and left him wounded.
As I recall this, I am being splashed with an overwhelming feeling – I cannot breathe – , my voice is breaking, and I am full with indescribable emotions. My eyes are filled with tears, I cannot understand how someone could hurt my uncle.
The psychologist offers me comfort. I can hear her voice amidst my sobbing, and it is helping me process and finally start on this grieving process.
I am having a mix of unfairness, pain, anger, and sadness all at once, it’s like… it’s like… I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I am feeling something now.
For so long, I’ve been questioning why I didn’t feel anything, wondering if there was something wrong with me. Perhaps I just wasn’t ready or didn’t allow myself to. The psychologist is listening, I can see that she is, and helping me unearth all these emotions. I feel comforted, but I am ready for a break.
Reflecting on my Journey
Looking back on my journey, I cannot help but acknowledge the impact of losing two of my uncles violently during my childhood. The pain and trauma that accompanied these losses have created long-lasting challenges in my relationships and instilled a constant sense of fear in my daily life.
The specter of fear has been a constant companion in my life. This pervasive fear has bred a sense of detachment, making it challenging to fully engage with the world and those around me.
Grief and Loss: The Complex Emotions
Discussing to a psychologist who speaks my mother tongue is incredibly therapeutic. It feels like I can tap into a deeper level of understanding and processing.
I am going home feeling conflicted. On one hand, I feel positive to explore my feelings more deeply, but at the same time, I’m a not sure if I’m ready to deal with all these emotions. What if I can’t handle it?
Embracing Personal Growth with a Relaxing Attitude
Throughout this journey of healing, self-discovery, and personal growth, one thing remains constant – a positive attitude in the thunders . Instead of rushing through the process, I have learned to be patient, kind, and gentle with myself. Personal growth is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. Each small step forward is significant, and every setback is an opportunity for learning and resilience.
Conclusion
Finding a psychologist who speaks my mother tongue has truly changed my life. It’s helping me approach my emotions from a different perspective and acknowledge them. Despite the fear of the unknown, I feel positive that therapy is unlocking the door to personal growth and rediscovering the joy and beauty of life.
This is a game-changer, and I’m thankful to be able to open up and express my experiences and emotions in my native language.
If you’re facing similar struggles, I encourage you to stay positive and consider seeking therapy and support. There are multiple websites that offer therapy, starting the process can be scary, but I believe it’s worth a try. And, I invite you to follow up and continue reading my story in my next post.
