Growing Up in a Violent Neighborhood
Welcome! Today, I would like to discuss how my upbringing in a violent neighborhood has influenced my growth and how I am addressing it in therapy. If you haven’t had the chance to read my previous blog posts and the beginning of my story, I highly recommend it 😊.
Introduction: Therapy Session
Today marks another day in therapy, a safe space where I can freely express my emotions and thoughts with my phycologist. During this session, we continue into the topic of fear and how it has shaped my life, including my responses like the fight or flight instinct.
One important aspect of my childhood that I want to address is the pervasive violence around me that was a norm in my early years.
The Impact of Violence in My Neighborhood
I grew up in a modest neighborhood where hardworking individuals with limited educational opportunities were predominant. Unfortunately, the lack of resources meant that the children in the area didn’t always have access to a good education.
Most of the young people I grew up with often did not see value in attending school, choosing to spend their time aimlessly without any goals or aspirations. This misuse of time led to an unfortunate waste of their energy, as they became involved in criminal activities or found themselves in trouble.
In this environment, I was exposed to various forms of violence, such as verbal abuse, physical altercations, and even tragic deaths. Witnessing these events at a young age instilled in me a deep sense of mistrust and vulnerability.
I learned early on, that harm could come from unexpected sources, making it difficult for me to trust anyone. This environment of fear and violence had a big impact on me as a child.
Relocating to a New, Yet worst Troubled Place
When I was around 11 or 12, my family moved to a different city due to a job opportunity for my mother. This move held the promise of a better future because of the location and proximity with bigger cities and universities.
The new town had even greater levels of violence, creating a constant atmosphere of fear.
As a shy teenager more focused on my education, I found myself struggling with the daunting challenges posed by this new environment. The schools were plagued with behavioral issues, leading my mother to change my school multiple times within a short period.
A Break: Acknowledging My Body
while I am in the middle of my story. The psychologist asks me, “How do you feel? What is your body experiencing?” Honestly, I feel numb, as if all this life belongs to someone else. It feels so distant that it doesn’t seem real.
As we focus on relaxing my body through deep breathing and body awareness, I am becoming conscious of the present moment. I notice that I am tense, my hands are sweaty, and my stomach is on high alert. I take another deep breath. I am ready to continue.
Personal Encounter with Violence
I vividly remember an incident. I witnessed a shooting while walking home from school with my friends. We saw 3 guys riding bicycles passing next to us. Suddenly this guys shot someone that was around 100 meters away from us. The outburst of violence left us paralyzed with fear, and the entire community was in shock and scared.
This experience left me with a strong sense of alertness and unease that lingered long after the immediate danger had passed. I constantly feared that these individuals might target me or my family, as my friends and I had witnessed the event firsthand.
The effects of violence and the Therapeutic Journey
The trauma of my past has continued to manifest in my present life, causing me to remain hyper-vigilant and constantly scan my surroundings for potential dangers. While this state of alertness comes from a desire to protect my loved ones, it has left me feeling drained and anxious, hindering my ability to fully engage with the present and trust in the safety of my family.
Realizing the toll this fear has taken on my well-being, with the help of my therapist, I am exploring healthier ways to protect and care for my loved ones without sacrificing my own peace of mind. These ways involve self-observation and meditation. I am learning to keep present, acknowledge the fear, and teach my brain that what used to serve me is no longer of use
Conclusion: Breaking the Cycle and Looking Ahead
Growing up in a violent neighborhood instilled a pervasive fear in me, causing me to constantly anticipate potential threats. However, through therapy and introspection, I am actively working to break this cycle and develop healthier ways of caring for my loved ones without compromising my own well-being. By embracing mindfulness and trust, I am gradually redirecting my focus to the present and creating a safe environment that fosters resilience and open communication.
If you’re facing similar struggles, I encourage you to stay positive and consider seeking therapy and support. There are multiple websites that offer therapy, starting the process can be scary, but I believe it’s worth a try. And, I welcome you to stay updated and continue further into my journey by following up in my upcoming post.
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