Understanding and Healing Inner Emotions
A Personal Journey Towards Healing and Trauma Therapy
Welcome to my blog series where I aim to share my path to healing and self-discovery with you. Today, I’m to explore the complexity of guilt and discuss the challenges I face when opening up to my therapist.
So, make yourself comfortable, and join me on this journey of healing. If you haven’t read my previous editions, be sure to check them out “My journey”!
Setting the Stage
Walking into my therapy session, I feel a mix of nervousness and a strange sense of familiarity. My anxiety isn’t as overpowering as it used to be, but I still have doubts. Sitting down, memories of my last session come flooding back, and I worry that sharing too much might make me feel guilty again. It’s a tough journey, but I’m filled with hope.
Approaching Therapy with an Open Mind
I have decided to keep an open mind about therapy. Doing the same things over and over won’t help me get better. The calm feeling I get from my therapist’s presence today gives me the courage to share my feelings, no matter how scary it might seem.
Acknowledging Guilt
Feeling overwhelmed and nervous is a common theme for me. Last time, I left therapy feeling a mix of nervousness and relief. Despite feeling liberated for a moment, I’m still battling a lot of guilt.
I keep wondering if I’m really ready to face my deeper emotional struggles. Thankfully, my therapist is very understanding and supportive. It’s comforting, like a warm hug, making me feel that my emotions are valid and that I’m not alone
My Catholic Upbringing
I would like to reflect a bit on my strict Catholic upbringing. Filled with obligatory Sunday Masses, nightly prayers, and intense apocalyptic discussions, it felt like an endless spiritual marathon.
The belief that disobedience to my mother’s commands would result in eternal damnation added an unimaginable pressure.
The Whip and the Confusion
The presence of my mother’s intimidating leather whip was a constant. Any “mistake” I made would bring it out of the shadows, and it was far from a mere statement piece.
Amidst the strict discipline, my mother’s love was also evident, creating a perplexing mix of affection and rejection that left me in emotional chaos.
Psychologist’s Insights: Learning and Healing
All these experiences I’ve endured have led me to build a host of coping mechanisms, constantly living in fear, seeking approval, and striving for perfectionism. Everything is interconnected. I now have a better understanding of how childhood experiences can leave deep wounds that may last a lifetime, creating patterns that are difficult to break.
Caged Emotions
Navigating therapy sessions has been a formidable challenge. While I am eager to express my thoughts, some emotions remain buried. As the psychologist says, it is a process. A process I will put in pause.
I have summarized my experience of five (Package of therapy I had for free) therapy sessions in two posts (3. Anxiety and Family Dynamics, and the current post 4.Trauma Therapy).
I feel a mixture of numbness and a whirlwind of emotions to pause my therapy sessions, but I am proud of myself for taking the step to seek therapy. I know my journey isn’t over yet.
The psychologist has recommended finding a therapist who speaks my mother tongue so I can access those buried emotions more effectively. That’s something I want to do later on.
Conclusion
Therapy, empathy, and the bravery to confront our deepest emotions are essential for growth and healing—I now understand that more clearly than ever.
Stay tuned for the next installment of my series, where I’ll share insights from my post-therapy reflections. I am both nervous and excited to see what comes next.
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PS. For more details – An empowering platform that offers a wealth of information on mental health topics is Psychology Today , where you can find articles, blogs, and therapist directories that may assist you in your journey towards healing and self-discovery.